god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
