I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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