I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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