Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
