So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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