I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
