i don't like sucking hair
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
