Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
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