Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
