She's JV to your varsity
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
