Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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