I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
