How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
