Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
