is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
