matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
