Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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