as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
