I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize