Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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