My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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