dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
