You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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