We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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