his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
