U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
