she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize