he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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