About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
