She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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