would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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