My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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