he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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