my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
