I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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