hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
