Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
