How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
