There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I need a beard to bite.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
