I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
