jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
