Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
