Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
