Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
