That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
