I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize