The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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