You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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