feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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