so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize