A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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