It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
