whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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