I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
