Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
