why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
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