Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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