And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
