I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
