Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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