i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
