i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
