doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
