He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
