it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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